Figuring out the best way to flirt with a girl is usually a matter of trial and error: a wild stab in the dark based on someone else’s barstool brag or locker room lament. But a gesture that worked for your buddy or a line that fell flat for someone else is just as likely to have the opposite effect whenever you try the same thing.
It is easy to chalk it up to different things working for different people, but the reason attempts at flirting succeed (or fail) has more to do with science than luck. Here are two scientifically proven ways to flirt with a girl successfully.
The Mutual Gaze
Poets have recommended it for ages and singers have long sung its praises, but a study in the Journal of Research in Personality has shown, scientifically, that gazing into another’s eyes could be the ultimate aphrodisiac that leads to “increased feelings of passionate love” between two strangers.
The study partnered 96 strangers with subjects of the opposite sex and had them engage in varying combinations of eye gazing. This included either gazing into the other’s eyes, down at the other’s hands or feet, or counting the other person’s blinks. When two subjects engaged in a mutual gaze and held it for more than two minutes, each felt more affection for their partner than other pairs in different combinations.
The real world application of this study probably shouldn’t involve trying to lock gazes with the attractive female stranger in the grocery store parking lot; that could get you in trouble. But making and holding eye contact, in a natural way, can increase your appeal and make that first conversation or shared meal far more meaningful. But beware, it might work so well, she’ll be convinced she’s looking into “the windows of your soul”.
On a side-note, it seems that the subjects who blinked the most during the study while trying to make eye contact inspired little to no affection at all in their partner. Make of that result what you will.
The Calculated Touch
While groping and pawing at a girl are obvious deal breakers, there is scientific evidence that suggests certain types of calculated touch can increase the likelihood of successful flirting.
In the 2007 Social Influence study, Courtship Compliance: The Effect of Touch on Women’s Behavior, three different types of touch are identified. The first group is designated (and dismissed for our purposes) as “friendly” and benign, like a tap on the shoulder or a handshake.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, deemed “nuclear”, is the type of touch that leaves no doubt as to the intentions behind it. This is the gentle brushing of her face or the caress of a thumb across her lips which are not recommended for casual flirting. Sure, she’ll find these touches undeniably intimate and heart-stoppingly romantic, but only once you’ve been dating a while and are ready to seal the deal.
The touch that was most effective for flirting with women in this study is referred to as the “plausible deniability” touch. Simply put, it is a light touch on the shoulder, waist, or forearm.
In the study, this touch consistently resulted in compliance by the female subject. Translation? The girl was more likely to give a stranger her phone number or agree to a slow dance if he touched her forearm or shoulder when asking.
And the best part is, if it doesn’t work, the touch is casual enough to have been an “accident”.
So, whether you use smooth moves or corny lines, you have an equal chance of success if you remember to lock eyes or incorporate a light touch into your flirting repertoire. When it comes to the best way of flirting with a girl, your odds of success increase significantly when you apply what science has to say about attraction.